The Smash Gazette's Gossip Section!
by TwinMolded
Summary: Snake and Lucas talk one day about gossip, then they decide to join the Smash Gazette and make their own "Gossip Section"! Meta Knight later joins, and they have to deal with secrecy, bullies, and the idea of staying anonymous! (Has minor suggestive themes and minor coarse language. Chapter 4 updated.)
1. Chapter 1

Snake walked down the stairs, content as ever. He had thoughts flowing through his head though, mostly about his schedule and Samus's breasts. Man, she had good breasts. But anyways, he dodged everyone else who was on the stairs, and walked under the stairs and into the kitchen.

Peach, Kirby, and Mr. Game and Watch had been there, cooking food for everyone else in the mansion. Tonight's menu? - Seafood. Specifically, calamari. That meant that Meta Knight had requested something. Meta Knight always wanted seafood. Why? Snake had yet to figure out. Maybe he could make that something on his "To - Do List".

He grabbed a rootbeer out of the fridge and walked out of the kitchen, then made his way to the meeting room, where the kids had been playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii on the big screen. Seems they had left, MOST of them. Popo and Toon Link were still there, banging on the controllers like psychopaths. Snake watched them in confusion, then shook his head and sat down on one of the couchs, pulling a dirty magazine out from under it and flipping it open to the 72nd page.

The two boys turned around and looked at Snake, then at each other. They looked back at Snake then silently turned off the Wii and walked out of the room with frantic looks on their faces.

No one disturbed Snake in reading his dirty magazines. That's what he did in his free time, and boy, besides from after 11:00 PM, Snake had very little free time.

"Hmm...she's nice. I'll have to see if she has a FaceBook. Or a Kik. Or an Instagram. Or a MySpace. Or a Tumblr. Or a Twitter..." Snake smiled with a perverted look on his face. He took out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter, then lit the 6th cigarette in the packet and stuck it in his mouth.

"Snake...what are you doing? You should be in a match right now!" Someone's voice sounded. It was the voice of a person who disturbed Snake while he was reading dirty magazines.

Jigglypuff. It was Jigglypuff.

Snake looked up from his magazine, looked at the puffball, then looked back at his magazine, obviously not caring about what Jigglypuff said.

"Snake! I'll tell Master Hand! I'm one of the original twelve! I have authority!"

Snake closed his magazine. "Jigglypuff. Ness has more authority than you. He's 13. How old are you? Around 30 or something?"

"He has nothing to do what I was talking about! Get off your butt and get into that match! Luigi, Pikachu, and Falco are waiting for you!"

* * *

Snake stood up and cursed under his breath as he walked out of the meeting room and into the Match Teleporter, transporting him to Distant Planet where Luigi had been "fighting" against Pikachu and Falco.

By "fighting", Luigi had been flailing around aimlessly.

Snake rushed into battle, jumping on top of Falco, sending him to the ground. He took out his C-4, throwing it at Pikachu, having it land on his face. He immediatly set it off, sending Pikachu flying across the stage. Luckily, it was a one stock battle, so Pikachu was done for.

Snake heard the cry of Luigi in the background, he looked up. He saw Luigi, in the process of being Star KOed.

"Idiot..." Snake looked at Falco, who was mowing down on a Maxim Tomato, keeping a close eye on Snake.

"Hm," Snake ran up to Falco, while doing so, he grabbed his rocket launcher and shot it up as far as he could. This would trick Falco.

Falco looked up, then widened his eyes as the rocket came crashing down on him. He feel to the ground, then was immediately grabbed and thrown by Snake, off the stage.

He won!

* * *

Snake grumbled, leaving the Match Teleporter in fury. How dare Jigglypuff do that! He was just minding his own business when she came along...

Snake dodged the people in the hall as he made his way to the kitchen again. He opened the door and looked around. Now only Peach was there. Lucas had joined her. They were melting butter for the bread and calamari later.

"Hey Peachy-lady. What's going on with you?" Snake grabbed another rootbeer and walked over next to Peach.

"Making dinner...and I told you not to call me that!" Peach glared up at him.

"Sorry," he turned his attention to Lucas, then asked him the same question.

"Eh. Nothing, really. I- I'm fine," the boy stuttered, his hands starting to quiver.

Snake had always made most of the kids uncomfortable, they claimed he was too quiet and mysterious. The way he loomed over them when he tried to start a conversation. This puzzled Snake, because he tried to look fuzzy and warm when he wanted to talk to someone and only the kids were around. Instead, they'd make an excuse and run away from him.

Snake shook his head slightly, then slapped Lucas on the back and grinned. "What'cha shaking for, boy? I asked a simple question, that's all!"

"Oh. I' m not...I'm not s-shaking! I'm fine! Absolutely f-f-fine!" Lucas slowly inched away, then scooted over to the other side of Peach.

"Oh, come on! Don't be such a puss!" Snake grabbed the boy's arm and ran out of the kitchen and into the living room, where most of the other smashers were.

* * *

Snake dragged Lucas past Mewtwo, Yoshi, Ike, Villager, and Mario before seating him into a lounge chair and sat down on the couch opposite of them, a glass coffee table was the only thing giving them distance.

"So, what did you do today?" Snake grinned, while thinking about how creeped out Lucas was right now.

"Nothing!" Lucas went to stand up, but got pushed back down by a passing Ganondorf, who looked back and smirked at him.

Snake stared at the boy, then leaned in. "Hey, tell me something..how come all the other kids are terrified of me?" He wanted the truth. Not just his own assumption.

Lucas stared back at him for a moment, then took a deep breath. "Wellyoureyesintimidateusyouglareatuswhenwetalktoyouandyouaren'tverytalkativesowegetcreepedoutwhenyoutalktous," he let out a large exhale, then sat up straight and smiled, with his right eye slightly twitching.

Snake continued staring at Lucas. "You get very talkative when it's time to chat about someone."

Lucas nodded. "I could tell you about something last night. So last night, Megaman came to spend the night in our dorm because his dorm was being painted, and Ness got upset and had this big argument with Megaman, so they eventually got into a tussle, and they both ended up injuring themselves instead of each other. Megaman bumped into a wall, making a shelf fall above him and the things came down on him, and Ness hit his head on the leg of the bed- which was made of metal, by the way."

Snake put his head in his hands and started muttering to himself. "Jeez, how much more of this does this kid have inside of his mind? He must eavesdrop whenever he hears a conversation or something."

Lucas tapped Snake's shoulder. "Hey. Zelda and Miss. WiiFit are talking about how cute Roy's behind is, and Pichu and Charizard are talking about how much of a showoff Greninja is."

Then it dawned on Snake.

"Lucas."

"Huh?"

"Go get your pen and notebook. You and I are making the Smash Gazette's gossip section."

* * *

A/N: So...yup...there's a new story...and it's probably gonna be really...interesting...It uses all the characters from the previous games and later games, including Charizard and Greninja, who were just confirmed yesterday. Next Chap will HOPEFULLY be up soon?


	2. Chapter 2

"Snake Snake Snake Snake Snake Snake Snake Snake."

"Peach Peach Peach Peach Peach Peach Peach Peach."

Peach whirled around and glared at Snake and Lucas with crazy eyes. "Both of you! Shut the heck up!"

"But I have something to tell Snake..." Lucas replied, frowning.

"And I have to ask, Peachy-lady, what's for supper? I'm freakin' starving," Snake ignored Lucas and spoke to Peach blankly.

"We're having Snake toes and Lucas fingers if you don't leave!" She slammed her cleaver into the cutting board, causing everything on the counter to jump up, do a back flip, then land in the exact perfect position it started in.

Lucas stepped away from the toadstool princess.

Snake grinned. "That'd be perfect," he grabbed Lucas by the hair and dragged him down the hall, causing the blonde to groan in pain.

"Why the hair? What about the ears? Or the hands? I work hard on this stuff every morning."

* * *

Snake drummed his hands on the small table. They were in the storage closet."Lucas! What did you figure out? And talk slowly."

"Well...Peach is a chocolate addict, Pikachu is a hoarder, and Ike thinks he's a horse from a land called Unicornia."

Snake stared at Lucas with a poker face. "What?"

"I thought the same thing," the boy replied, biting his lip.

"Yeah..." Snake scratched the back of his head, he handed Lucas a towel, since the boy had a bad case of nausea from early that day. "You know, maybe eating all of the croissants wasn't the best idea."

Lucas put his head down on the table. "Uh huh."

"Want me to get you a tablet or something to help the pain?"

"No..." The boy slammed his head back into the table.

Snake jumped up. "Hey now! No reason to hurt yourself over it!" He sat the boy up and checked his forehead for any blood.

Luckily, there was nothing.

He sat back down. "Jeez, Lucas. It'll feel better in a while."

"But we're having calamari again, and I really like it. Peach knows how to give it so much taste."

"Calamari isn't everything, you know. Don't be a Meta Knight. It's bad if you're a Meta Knight."

Lucas laughed slightly, surprisingly enough. If he had been feeling better, he would have clutched his stomach from laughing too hard instead of vomiting.

Snake stood up. "I'm gonna go get you some medicine from Doctor Mario. Just hold tight."

* * *

"Would you give me that?!"

Snake walked into the infirmary to see Doctor Mario chasing Luigi around the room. Apparently the shy, green plumber had taken his stethoscope.

Luigi ran past Snake and down the hall where King Dedede and Ness were waiting for him, then they all ran off somewhere.

Doctor Mario growled, then looked at Snake. "What do you need?"

"Uh...I need something for nausea.." The stealth master was distracted by the doctor's mean look.

Doctor Mario tossed him a benedryl tablet and then grabbed his scalpel and ran out the door.

Snake watched him leave. "What in the hell is wrong with everybody these days? For Christ's sake..." He turned off the lights, closed the door, and left.

* * *

"Just hand over the stethoscope, and nobody gets hurt..." Doctor Mario warned, watching King Dedede, Luigi, and Ness carefully.

Everyone stared at him

"Nope!" Ness grabbed the stethoscope out of Luigi's hands and dived out of the window.

"He knows we're on the 5th floor, right?" King Dedede asked, looking at Luigi.

Luigi stared at King Dedede.

"Ness!" The plumber and the penguin yelled out of the window.

"R-r-right here, guys," Ness was hanging onto the window sill desperately.

The boy had dropped the stethoscope, for they all heard a distant thump on the ground below.

Doctor Mario shrieked loudly. "MY STETHOSCOPE!" He zoomed out the door and ran outside.

The three watched him fall to his knees and start to weep, holding the stethoscope in his hand.

He looked up at the sky. "WHY GOD?! WHY?!"

* * *

"Yo, Snake!" Sonic dashed up to Snake, holding a chili dog.

"What do YOU want?" Snake grouched, glaring at the hedgehog.

"1 Stock. You, me, and Mario. Final Destination. No items but Smash Balls. C'mon!"

"I have to-"

"It can wait!" Sonic dragged him along.

Snake looked around desperately, then threw the pill he had at Meta Knight, hitting him in the face.

"Ouch! What the heck, Snake?!" Meta Knight held the pill in his hand, then looked at him.

"Give that to him!" He said, disappearing around the corner with Sonic.

Meta Knight stared. "To who?"

Lucas groaned. Where was Snake with that medication? His stomach was even more upset, due to the fact the smell of calamari was seeping into the large closet.

"Dang it...where is everybody? Isn't somebody gonna come in here eventually?"

As if his prayers had been answered, King Dedede and Luigi snuck into the closet.

Lucas lifted his head and stared at them, and they stared back at him.

"What are you looking at?" They all said at the same time, trying to keep a good poker face, though Dedede started to break into laughter.

Luigi stepped away from him, then stepped over to Lucas. "Whatcha' working on?"

Lucas covered his notepad. "Nothing!" He closed it and slipped it under himself. The blonde looked at Luigi. "Where's Ness?"

"Recovering. He nearly died about six minutes ago," Luigi replied, smiling nervously.

Lucas sweatdropped. "How, exactly?"

"He dived out a window," Luigi said blankly. "Don't ask. Long story."

"We can't meet here, Luigi. Let's go to the attic," Dedede spoke out, opening the closet door again, only to bump into Meta Knight.

They stared at each other, mumbled something, then walked past each other.

Luigi waved to Lucas, then left.

The blonde waved back, then looked at Meta Knight, noticing the pill. He jumped up frantically and dived at Meta Knight, landing on him. He snatched the pill and held it in his hands happily.

"Snake said to give that to you," the knight replied, adjusting his mask.

"Thank you!" Lucas swallowed the pill.

"Yeah, right. It took me about thirty seconds to figure out who he was talking about," he noticed the notepad on Lucas's chair. He walked over and opened it.

Lucas turned around and started to run towards him, but not before Meta Knight turned around.

"You're the author of the Gossip Column?!"

Lucas stopped and covered his mouth, then nodded silently. "One of them..at least," he mumbled.

"Is Sn-"

"Yeah."

Meta Knight watched him. "I won't tell anyone if you...per say, let me join in."

Lucas stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?"

"You heard me. I want to be an author."

Lucas stared at him, still dumbfounded. "What?"

Meta Knight sighed. "Will you let me help?"

Lucas snapped back into reality. "Yes! I mean, yeah!" He shouted, desperate to keep his secret safe.

"Well then," Meta Knight jumped onto the table and shook Lucas's hand.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry about this chapter. It's really bad and mostly dialogue, but I've been on a rush at school and I still have to clean up my bedroom. Not to mention I'm exhausted from doing a project the other night.

I'm a day late on the update. Sorry guys, it was Easter and all. Positive/negative reviews and any suggestions or ideas would be nice.


	3. Chapter 3

Snake stared at Lucas. "What did I tell you?! Meta Knight is bad!"

Lucas shrugged, while Meta Knight scoffed.

"First off, RUDE. Second, I am freaking not," the blue thing protested.

(Blue thing? Wtf, Sam.)

"I didn't want our secret getting out.." Lucas mumbled, holding his notebook nervously. "I'm sorry, Snake. I'll go punish myself..."

Snake spit out the coffee he had. "Punish yourself? What?"

Lucas looked up. "Peach always said if we didn't do something right, we'd have to punish ourselves..."

Snake looked at Meta Knight, who was spazzing out.

"Uhm...welcome to the group, Meta Knight. What do you want to do?"

"I want to take photographs and take notes, I can fit into small spaces and my cape can hide my equipment."

Snake nodded. He understood. That was fine by him. He looked at Lucas, who was trembling. "Kiddo, chill out. You're being a puss."

Lucas shook his head. "A- am not! I am FINE!"

"Yeah, uh huh. Anyways, it's Saturday, approximately 12:00 AM. Let's start rooting through drawers to find diaries. Lucas - what do you know already?"

"Ness has that one little notepad he's always writing in. Red writes erotica about the girls of the mansion," the boy piped up, then started twiddling his fingers.

Snake and Meta Knight stared at him with a creeped out look. "How do you KNOW all of THIS?!"

"I like to look at people's stuff..."

"Better hope you don't do anything while reading that erotica," Snake snorted, sipping his coffee.

Lucas backed his chair out from the table, looking disgusted. "I'm gonna go pry that notebook from Ness's grasp. He holds that thing to his chest like it's the world's most valuable item," The boy left.

"He doesn't have a chest!" Snake yelled, laughing.

Meta Knight twitched. "I'm gonna go take pictures of Peach's underwear. I heard she wears red lingerie sometimes," Meta Knight jumped off the table and strolled out the closet door.

Snake blinked. He sat back in his chair and chuckled. This was gonna be one AWESOME day.

* * *

"Ok..perfect!" Meta Knight clicked a button and the next thing he knew, a picture of Peach's red lingerie was on the camera screen. He noticed Luigi tumbling aboutin his bed, mumbling something about King Dedede, Ness, and a stethoscope.

The blue thing (Again Sam, wtf?) rolled under Luigi's bed and pulled out a recorder. He could use Luigi for reference and write about it in the paper.

"Oh no...Ness, you're gonna fall if you don't eat the...stethoscope...King Dedede, watch out for the detergent..." The plumber mumbled, licking his lips, then biting his arm aggressively.

Meta Knight shook his head.

* * *

"Come on, you stupid boy! Let go!" Lucas whispered loudly, trying as hard as he could to get the notepad, but to no avail. Ness had an iron grip on the dang thing.

Lucas tumbled backwards into his own bed. He glared at Ness, then dived onto him and roared loudly.

"Lucas! What the hell are you doing?!" Ness pushed him off and stuffed the notepad under his pillow.

"Gimme that!" Lucas dived at him again, grabbed the notepad, then dashed off, leaving Ness sitting in his bed, confused.

* * *

"Snake! Snake!" Lucas and Meta Knight's voice harmonized, waking the stealth master. It was a mystery on how they didn't wake everyone up.

"Wuh...what?" Snake sat up and goggled at the two reporters. He immediately snapped awake. "Uh...um, what did you get?!" He leaned forwards.

"I got the notepad!" Lucas cheered.

"And I got a snapshot of Peach's panties, along with an audio recording of Luigi's dream."

"Ok, good. Lucas, read me the notepad."

The blonde nodded. He flipped it open and started reading.

"Notepad 2. Entry 81. Page 1., 6:00 AM. Pikachu started my day by jumping on me and shouting at me about how I was gonna get fat if I didn't get up early. Lies.

7:45 AM

Breakfast finally started. We didn't have any steak, so I had eggs. There were eggshells in them. Of course, Lucas's eggs were fine.

9:00 AM

Toon Link hit me with his boomerang when I got out of the shower. I got revenge by breaking his nose.

12:00 PM

Samus broke her flip flop. She's on a mad rampage.

2:00 PM

Still alive, but I'm starving. Please calm down soon.

3:00 P- Oh screw this!" Lucas closed the notepad and cursed loudly, then threw said notepad at Snake, hitting him in the face.

"Lucas. Chillax, kiddo. I think you need coffee," Snake held the glass out.

"Feh! Get that away from me!" The boy swatted the glass away, getting boiling coffee on Meta Knight.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGOOOOOODDDDDDDDTHAATTTHURRTSSSSSS!" Meta Knight ran around.

"What a waste of time! I wanted to read secrets, not a review on life!" Lucas pouted.

"Hold on, I found something," Snake flipped to a page.

Lucas lightened up and looked at the page, ignoring Meta Knight.

"This is starting to turn around, isn't it?" Lucas smirked, then laughed slightly.

Snake smiled. "I didn't know Ness had stagefright. Good thing the show is up tonight..."

Lucas nodded.

* * *

Lucas prodded Ness awake with the TV remote, the raven had forgotten about the event earlier and was quite confused on being awoken so late - 9:00 AM, to be exact.

"What're you doing?" Ness rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Seeing if you're alive, now come on! Let's go sign up for the show!"

Ness stopped rubbing his eyes. "The show?!" He sweatdropped. "I'm fine. I have to...cook food later anyways.."

Lucas crossed his arms. "We're ordering pizza for the entire mansion tonight, smart one."

Ness struggled to think of an excuse. "I...I...have to go feed...the dog!"

"What dog?"

"Uh...the neighbor's dog!"

"Mr. Gillows is the most nearby neighbor we have. He doesn't have a dog."

"Shoot!" Ness muttered under his breath. "I meant his cat!"

"Elissa hunts. Ness, it's not that bad. Are you scared?"

"No way!" The boy lied, he got up and marched to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. "But, I am," he mumbled under his breath.

* * *

A/N: Ta-da! Both chapters for my stories up! Leave a review, positive or negative will do. Suggestions or ideas will be loved! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

"I have no idea what to write for this chapter," a girl with long blonde hair and turquoise eyes rocked on a hammock while typing something onto her phone.

"I mean, The Smash Gazette needs material...the few ideas are alright. Lemme see if there's any questions.." The girl glanced at her email for a moment. "Alright then..."

She sat up. "Since I am breaking the fourth wall- let me tell you something. A kind reviewer asked who would read the Gossip section. Keep in mind that every Smasher needs some kind of entertainment, of course, not everyone would read it- but, most likely a good lot of them..." The girl nervously sweatdropped. "I'll be going now..."

* * *

Meta Knight dashed down the hall with Pikachu at his side. They were racing to see who was cooking breakfast today. Peach had been sick, and Mr. Game and Watch and Kirby were preparing for the feast tomorrow.

They stopped as soon as they saw a familiar cat Pokèmon holding a wooden spoon and a 'Kiss The Chef' apron.

Pikachu burst out laughing. "HAHA! MEWTWO! YOU LOOK SO STUPID!" The mouse rolled on the ground and laughed uncontrollably.

"You crack yourself up..." Mewtwo muttered, setting aside some chocolate and then proceeded to pull out some butter.

"If you don't mind me asking..." Meta Knight hopped onto the counter. "What in the hey are you making?"

"Crepes! Now go away, I don't have time for your crap!"

"You shouldn't - haha...mention...heh...crap while you're making crepes..." Pikachu wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Oh, be quiet!" Mewtwo lifted them up with his telekinesis and threw them out the window.

* * *

"So...he hasn't come out since 9:00 AM?" Snake glanced at the bathroom door.

"Yeah," Lucas stepped back from it.

"Hold on," Snake walked up to the door and took a deep breath. "Oh, Nessie!"

"Go away!" Ness's voice sounded from the other side of the door. "And don't call me that!"

Snake put on his best poker face. "But I need you! Come help me!"

"No!"

Lucas looked at Snake, then grabbed a nearby Falco, who was walking down the hall with hot chocolate.

"Wuzzatdat?!" Falco dropped his cocoa and glared at Lucas, who pointed at the bathroom door. "Is he-"

"Yes," Snake and Lucas said at the same time.

"Alright...but you SO owe me for this, Lucas."

Lucas gave a nervous smile and a thumbs up.

Falco rubbed his hands together. "FALCO...PUNCH!" His feathery hand things hit the door and a cracking noise was heard, followed by Falco's shrill scream. "My hand!"

Captain Falcon popped his head in. "Never without protection!" He chirped, waving a gloved hand.

Falco glared at him. He hissed through his teeth two words that should never be said while children are around. He then looked at Lucas, who was still smiling nervously.

"Attack On Titan to soothe your worries?" He offered, holding up a manga.

Falco dived for Lucas and shook him crazily.

Snake watched, planting a bomb by the door while doing so.

"In 3...2..."

* * *

Nearly everyone in the mansion screamed or went flying as huge flames filled the halls. Smoke rose up, and Mewtwo was clutching his apron desperately.

"Everyone, out!" Master Hand was holding a trolley filled with multiple released Assist Trophies and Pokèmon.

"Ugh..who's idea was it to wake me from my beauty sleep?" Kyogre growled, closing his eyes.

"You're complaining? My wonderful invention, The Automatic Coffee Cup 2000, was suddenly blown to bits!" Jeff complained, his eyes small and odd due to him missing his glasses.

"Oh, stop complaining!" Little Mac snapped, he then paused. "WHY AM I STILL AN ASSIST TROPHY?! I WAS CONFIRMED MONTHS AGO!"

Everyone, including Falco, Snake, Lucas and Captain Falcon dashed out the door.

"Yeah, haha! Let's just leave me here!" Ness pushed his way through the door, covered in soot and ash, completely oblivious to the rising flames behind him.

* * *

Everybody sat in a flower field. It was awkward, seeing girls like Peach, Zelda, and Marth mixed in with the evil Lord Ganondorf.

"I am NOT a girl!" Marth barked suddenly.

Everyone stared at him. "No one said you were..." Sonic pointed out.

Marth blinked. He forgot he had the weird and random power of hearing some random person break the fourth wall.

"Hahahahaha," Ness and Mario came stomping towards the group laughing hollowly.

"I thought you guys were already out here?" Kirby glanced at them, holding his charred hammer sadly.

"We were, but an IDIOT," Mario snapped at Ike when he said that, "pushed us down the mountain on the way!"

"Not to mention a CERTAIN SOMEONE," Ness glared at Lucas, "left me alone in our dorm!"

Ike and Lucas put on a horrible poker face.

Everybody stopped silently. Olimar spoke up, oddly enough.

"When are we going to build a new mansion?" He winced at the thought on how long it would take.

Master Hand froze and stopped handing out bottles of water. "Uhh..."

Everyone watched the hand panick.

"Probably about two weeks if everybody pitched in..."

"Two weeks? Will we have to become hobos like Snake and live in a cardboard box?" Wolf questioned, chuckling at his own joke while everyone stared at him blankly.

"We'll be in TENTS, smartass," Lucas spoke up, preparing for his death of exsanguination due to getting a gushing nose.

"Yes! Tents! My FAVORITE!" Luigi suddenly cried out happily. "Uh...sorry..."

"Great," Mario sat down next to Pikachu and covered his eyes.

"I think YOU'RE the smartass!" Ness snapped, pulling Lucas's hair and whispering something mean into his ear.

Meta Knight and Snake shared a glance.

"Lucas...?" Master Hand asked nervously, watching the boy's eyes widen and twitch and his mouth open slightly in fear.

"That's enough," Peach scooped the blonde up into her arms and went over under a tree and put him in his lap.

Meta Knight looked at Snake, who sat up and looked at a nearby hill completely devoid of flowers. They could set up camp on top of it.

Link watched Snake, then smiled. "I know what you're thinking."

* * *

"So...what did he say to you?" Meta Knight asked, holding his COLD coffee in his hands.

"He said...um.."

"Don't worry. We already know. It's a completely natural part of life," Snake said solemnly.

Lucas scooted away from Snake, then stepped out of the Metal Gear tent and went to his own tent, shutting the door flap behind him.

Meta Knight snorted at Snake, who had just realized what he did.

"Shit."

* * *

"Snake's sorry about earlier...turns out he had about three beers last night," Meta Knight flew up to the tree that Lucas was in.

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm just a bit worried now, Ness normally follows out on the threats he gives me - but he always adds a bit more," Lucas grabbed the trunk of the tree. "One time he told me he would give me a black eye...he did. But he also restrained me to the wall when he did it."

Meta Knight backed away about two steps. "He looked nice, though."

"Oh, he is. But he gets pissed off when I'm around. He acts like he hates me whenever we're not in our dorm," Lucas wiped the rising tears out of his eyes.

"Well...I have something to show you, two things, actually," Meta Knight chirped. He grabbed Lucas and pointed out in the distance.

Lucas listened carefully.

"Now, you listen here! If you ev - ever threaten Luc- what was his name again? Luc- no, Luxray again! I'mma slam you into next week!" Snake was pointing at Ness, who was obviously attempting to ignore him. It didn't help him that Snake was drunk.

Lucas giggled, then looked at Meta Knight, who was chuckling.

"So, what was the other thing?" Lucas asked, laughing.

Meta Knight turned to him, then held up the Smash Gazette.

"The Smash Gazette Gossip Section has been published for the first time."

* * *

A/N: If you noticed, I changed the chapter a tiny bit. I was upset with the last draft. I'm so sorry.

I know I promised CY a week ago, but between my dad taking my phone which I type on, and the news I received just minutes ago about my friend's mom getting in a car accident, I've just been upset. I have no idea when CY will be updated. I'm afraid I'll be going on a hiatus for a while. Please note I have intentions of rewriting Chapter 4 and my Chapter 5 draft of said story. Please send me any PMs with ideas.

But sad news aside, I'll be going to ComicCon tomorrow. This will be my second year, though I won't be cosplaying till next year. I haven't got the outfit.  
Leave a review, and I'm so sorry about the previous draft of the story. I'll see you guys as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

Meta Knight set his bedspread over the top of his pillows. He looked behind him, to see Dedede struggling to tuck in his sheets, then he looked forward, to see Kirby spilling ice-cream all over his sheets. _What a little nuisance,_ Meta Knight thought. He dusted off his hands, then ran out of his room, straight into Marth's Falchion.

The blue thing shrieked in agony. "WHAT THE HELL!? WHY IS YOUR STUPID SWORD OUT HERE? I ALMOST CUT MYSELF IN HALF!" He backed away, then stared at Ike, then Roy, then Marth. He gave a mean glare to the second blue-haired swordsman. "WELL?"

Marth gave him a bored look. "We're still moving into our dorm. I haven't finished putting our books on the wall. I still have 632 to go."

"OUR books?" Roy questioned, then pointed a finger at Marth. "Reading is for losers! I'm not a loser! You guys are!" He turned to Ike, who gave him the middle finger.

Meta Knight was still brimming with anger when he felt a familiar, soft hand pick him up. He glanced upwards, seeing Lucas's blue eyes and Snake standing behind them.

"Are you alright? Crazy Hand wants to see us."

"Crazy Hand? Why him?"

"I 'unno," Lucas sweatdropped, then started to dash down the hall quickly, with Meta Knight secured in his arms. Once they had gotten to the third floor, the one below Meta Knight's floor, Lucas stopped. "Crazy Hand really doesn't want to see us. We have to discuss our next volume of the Gossip section. Remember how we said to leave any letters or requests in the Spa room?"

Meta Knight nodded.

Snake answered. "We got over twenty letters. We need to decide which ones we'll be following. So far, the one Luigi sent in is good, the one that Palutena sent in is good, and the one that Olimar sent in has no requests, but a bunch of rumors he heard."

Meta Knight wriggled out of Lucas's grip. "Alright then. Since the supply closet is still being filled, where should we go? I was thinking maybe Snake's dorm, since he doesn't share a room."

Snake shook his head. "What if someone came in? It'd be pretty weird to see a stealth master, a psychic boy, and a blue...thing chatting together about other Smashers."

A lightbulb brightened up over Lucas's head. "What about the Halberd?"

Meta Knight smiled stupidly. "You...are…A GENIUS!" Meta Knight ran down the hall, careful of any stray Falchions. He dashed through many twists and turns, then stopped in front of a gray garage door. Lucas and Snake followed behind him quickly. Meta Knight slid under the door as his friends lifted it up. He stopped in front of the Halberd. "Oh..you sexy thing…"

Lucas blinked. "Just how much Doctor Who have you been watching? For the Dark Dragon's sake…"

Meta Knight gave the boy a bored glare. "So I can beat the heck out of goddesses, miis, and yellow pizzas but I can't watch a science fiction show?"

Lucas gave him the same glare. "I never said that."

Snake pushed Meta Knight and Lucas out of the way, then opened the hatch of the giant airship. He stepped inside. "This is perfect. I love this idea, not to sound girly or anything." He went to the back of the ship, sitting down at a table. "Hurry up!"

Meta Knight and Lucas followed closely, locking the hatch behind them. They sat down next to Snake. "So!" Lucas pulled the letters he had out of his pockets, then threw them on the table. They were all crinkled up.

"You couldn't have put them in a pouch or something?" Meta Knight asked, puzzled.

"Too suspicious. But anyways, here's Luigi's letter!" Lucas ripped it open and read the words off the fancy parchment.

"_Dear Gossip Section,_

_I read your first volume, and it's nice and interesting. Though, why did you choose me for the first volume? Oh well! I have bigger secrets! Anyways, I was wondering if you could write a rumor about Mario? He is very mean to me and I wish for him to be in pain and punished. I am sick of being his shadow! I DEMAND TO BE LOVED, GOD DAMNIT! Ahem, excuse my tantrum. But please, please, PLEASE write a rumor! I will give you chocolate and cookies if you do._

_Lots of Love (and spaghetti. Mm. Spaghetti.),_

_~Luigi"_

"Spaghetti does taste pretty good," Snake remarked after Lucas finished reading.

"I think we should ignore spaghetti and find out a rumor about Mario," Meta Knight said blankly, pulling his camera out of his cape. He leaned back in his chair. "Oh yeah, and maybe we should write a letter back to Luigi," Meta Knight paused. "By we, I mean Lucas."

"Why me?! I have to type up the entire Gossip Section, and I have to prevent myself from getting killed because I always get the dirty work!" Lucas protested, pouting.

"You had to steal a notebook from your roommate. I had to take pictures of Peach's red lingerie and also had to record our NEW CLIENT's dreams! Not to mention we've only had one volume..." Meta Knight replied, as if he was in a competition.

"Spaghettipastanoodles," Snake said randomly.

"SHUT UP. ARE YOU ON DRUGS OR SOMETHING?" Lucas screeched to Snake, then turned to Meta Knight. "I guess you're right. Alright. I'll write the letter, and you guys get started on that rumor!"

Snake looked hurt, while Meta Knight was grinning proudly. "Right!"

* * *

"He's so BORING!" Meta Knight exclaimed, watching Mario from the airvents. So far, nothing interesting had happened.

Mario walked into the bathroom, then turned on the shower. He sat on the sink, waiting for the water to grow hotter

Meta Knight slunk into the room and hid in the empty waste basket. He covered his eyes as Mario got into the shower. "Oh, gross! He doesn't even use the curtain!" Meta Knight whispered to himself. He noticed the shampoo Mario was using. Pretty Pretty Girlies.

Meta Knight struggled not to laugh. He zoomed in on the shampoo and Mario's hand, then took a picture. He jumped out of the waste basket and ran as fast as he could to the Halberd.

* * *

Meta Knight arrived back to the Halberd only to see Lucas. No Snake.

"Where's Snake?" Meta Knight asked, sitting down in his chair.

"I sent him to the infirmary to find Mario's medical records," Lucas said, setting his letter down in front of Meta Knight.

Meta Knight read the letter.

"_Dear Luigi,_

_Thank you for the letter you have sent us. We have already found a rumor that we believe is satisfying enough for your causes. We understand how you feel, and we would like to thank you by giving you a free pasta dinner at Olive Garden. Enclosed with this letter is forty dollars you may use ONLY at the fore-mentioned place. Thank you once more for your request, and we hope you further enjoy the Gossip Section._

_Sincerely,_

_The Gossip Section."_

"How do you like it?" Lucas asked nervously.

"It sounds like a spam advertisement," Meta Knight replied, grabbing Lucas's typewriter and smashing away on the keys.

"I don't write for a reason. I draw," Lucas stated blankly, then looking at the picture on Meta Knight's camera. "Mario uses Pretty Pretty Girlies Shampoo? That's worse than Marth's hair care treatment."

"Like you should talk," Snake said, stepping into the Halberd. He poked Lucas's hair. "It's like a….like a.."

"Cowlick."

"It looks like you tried to do a hair flip and your hair got frozen in time," Snake sat down, returning with Mario's medical records. "Hey, did you know Mario and Doctor Mario are two different people?"

"Nope," Lucas and Meta Knight replied rhythmically. Meta Knight looked at his letter. "I like this one more."

Snake snatched it from Meta Knight. "It's my turn to read!" He paused. "Ahem."

"_Dear Luigi,_

_Our AWESOME Gossip Section has received your AWESOME letter that we so AWESOMELY used to get AWESOME information. We thank you for your AWE- _Ok, screw this!" Snake ripped the paper in half. "You sound stupider than I do when I'm drunk!"

"Are you sure?" Lucas questioned, remembering the incident a few weeks ago.

Snake glared at him. "Oh shut up, Ms. Prissy Pants."

"Prissy Pants!? I'd like to note that I am wearing SHORTS!" Lucas crossed his arms.

Meta Knight slammed his face onto the table. "I think we're all on some kind of drug…"

* * *

A/N: While editing this on the Method label, something happened to two lines of Lucas's dialogue. Sorry.

ANYWAYS. I SAID I'D HAVE MORE FREQUENT CHAPTERS AFTER SCHOOL AND THEN WENT ON A LONG HIATUS. GO AHEAD AND THROW A BRICK THROUGH MY WINDOW AND SEE IF YOU WIN FIRST PLACE FOR KILLING ME.

My poor excuse is that I've been playing a lot of video games. Really, that's almost all I've been doing. CY will be up soon, hopefully. For TTN, I'm thinking about what I'll do next chapter, and future projects? I DON'T KNOW, actually.

Leave a positive or negative (as in CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, not just you being an asshole.) review. Both are helpful! ;)

PS: Thanks to a certain reviewer who has made me keep that review alert in my inbox on my email! I look at it whenever I feel down and it makes me so happy!


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